So…. with all of the stresses in my life right now, I’ve picked up a bad habit. I used to hurt myself, like… physically. And still do on rare occasions. but that’s not what I’ve started doing, I’ve started smoking…. a lot. which is hurting myself in another way. it started as just a once in a while thing. then my boyfriend and I made a pack that we shouldn’t smoke until someone offered a cigarette to us (which come on, people hardly ever do) and now I have co-workers just GIVING them to me because they know I want one and am not going to ask for it. so for the last week I’ve smoked one a day and today I was given 2 (though I only smoked one) and now I’m staring at the cigarette on my dresser.
every day I get a call from my brother or my dad or my mother about something going on, someone said this and they don’t understand or they don’t remember that they just called me, and then with work and being constantly tired, and then I can’t so anything fun with my boyfriend to de-stress but once a week in the evenings, so that limits us to sitting around and while I very much enjoy the time I have with him, I miss going on hikes with him or adventures… and then everyone else is busy and I’m just….. exhausted. and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t feel like I can let myself take a break or I’m going to break in half. but seriously… I just need some fun. (and to stop smoking…)